The Signs of Bassaholic Disease    By Jim Hill

Bass fishermen are some of the strangest people you might ever meet.  I know that I am a recovering Bassaholic and several of my friends are as well.  I am getting better, (not verbalizing as much) I can concentrate more often while at work or in a conversation.  I am able to have a semi well-rounded existence (every conversation doesn’t turn to bass fishing) and my family has bought me presents lately that don’t have anything to do with fishing!  I only watch fishing shows when alone and I make sure I don’t smell like fish when I go to bed!

I decided to help my suffering brothers by presenting some of the warning signs of becoming a Bassaholic:

• If you look at your wife’s earrings and think, “Hey that’d work!” you might be a Bassaholic.

• If you have more fishing poles than pairs of underwear or matching socks, you might be a Bassaholic!

• If you just tried to count your underwear and said, “Does that count the ones I’m-a-wearin’?” you might be a Bassaholic!

• If you think Bill Dance is a great actor, you might be a Bassaholic!

• If you can name every bass lake and river in the state but you can’t remember the names of your nieces and nephews, (seek immediate help if you have forgotten your wife’s name on occasion) you might be a Bassaholic!

• If you ever wore your fishing gear to church and thought the people staring at you were jealous, you might be a Bassaholic!

• If you have promised fishing trips to more than five people and have never taken any of them fishing, you might be a Bassaholic! 

• If you have spent more money on Banjo minnows than you did on your wife’s wedding ring, you might be a Bassaholic!

• If every vehicle your family owns is equipped to pull the boat, even the Geo Metro, you might be a Bassaholic!

• If you calculate boat payments over 12 years and say, “Hey I can afford that!” you might be a Bassaholic!

• If the fish spawn more often than you do, you might be a Bassaholic!

• If you ever compared the weight of your new born son to the biggest bass you ever caught, you might be a Bassaholic!

• If you can’t be on time for work, but can wake up at 2:00 am to go fishing, you might be a Bassaholic!

• If every picture you have of yourself has you holding a fish, you might be a Bassaholic!

• If you have ever spent $200 to beat three friends in a club tournament, you might be a Bassaholic!

• If almost every commercial you see on T.V. causes you to say, “Now they would be a great sponsor!” you might be a Bassaholic!

• If you have ever been on the water so long you have fallen asleep while reeling in a fish, you might be a Bassaholic!

• If you have ever taken your wife out to a fancy dinner at McDonald’s, but spent $17 dollars on a Jerk bait, you might be a Bassaholic!

• Finally, if you ever bought a boat and the payments are more than your mortgage, you might be a Bassaholic! 

If any of these signs resemble your state in life, take the time to sit down with your family and ask forgiveness and say you’re sorry.  If they don’t believe you, you might be a Bassaholic!  So don’t fight it.  Just accept it and start wearing your bass gear to church and haul your family there in your $50,000 bass boat pulled by the Geo Metro, and don’t forget to feed them at McDonald’s on the way home.